PCOS

I don't think I've ever talked about this on my blog.... I know I think about it often but I don't know if I've been "that" honest to bring it up. Anyone had to deal with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)?? I'm trying to get the courage up to go talk to a new doctor about it. Last time I talked to a doctor about it (December 2008) I got scolded and told not to think about it because I'd be "irresponsible" to get pregnant at the weight I was at and I was "too young" to be a mom anyway.

Well I did talk to my OB about it but after I got pregnant with Ava. He told me to come back and we'd check it after I had her... well dang it we moved. I loved Dr. Alperin. He never made me feel bad about getting pregnant at the weight I was at (or age for that matter).

I've struggled with PCOS since high school and its frustrating and discouraging. I know it goes hand in hand with my weight and its currently been more difficult than ever to get the weight I gained during my pregnancy off.

Anyway gotta come up with the courage just to call and make a doctors appointment. I HATE going to the doctor.

Visual Field Test

I am having my 2nd visual field test a little late. I was supposed to have one as soon as my vision returned to normal in February 2008, but I neglected it... and then I was supposed to have yearly tests to make sure my blind spots are not increasing. So boo I have not done my part, but I figured I am moving in a month and would like to see the doctor who diagnosed me with PTC and see how my eyes are doing.

No matter what my eyes will be better than they were when I had my first test done, but I am curious to see if they are in a good range or if my blind spots are bigger than they should be. Lets pray for good eyes. This is all important because visual blindness can creep up without much knowledge until its too late to reverse the damage.

If you have never had a visual field test, the best description is that it feels like you are looking into the Willy Wonka TV Room... You are looking into a big white box and tiny lights flash for about 30 minutes and you push a button as to which ones you see... its extremely tedious and boring!

28 Days Later

Happy 1 year anniversary Pseudotumor, I still hate you!

Thanks for the memories... but can we break up now?!

I just googled "Wooshing"

I decided yesterday that between the internet and a public health background I am practically a doctor!

Not really but my doctor upset me a little bit yesterday. I won't get into great detail why but I don't think my age had anything to do with medical advice. And a doctors conversation shouldn't end like a fight, "You do whatever you want I guess." - My Doc

So anyway I just googled Wooshing. I have a wooshing noise in my ear and I know it has to do with my Pseudotumor. It happens to be one of the symptoms I don't remember having but am having now. My head does not hurt and my vision is good. It is my goal to be able to get off medication this year.

However I can't find anything other than the fact that wooshing noise in the ear is a symptom.

I'm so busy!

I can't even breathe!

I had a final on Tuesday that is OVER! 1 down 3 to go! Today I will have ALL of my work turned in for 2 of my classes and will only have the finals left. The last class (shiver) has this huge group paper and presentation that my group and I are going to work on this weekend! My sweet friend Alicia gave me a completed copy of our study guide for one class! I didn't even ask and she totally didn't have to but it took her 6 hours to complete it and its 26 pages and she just gave it to me to help me study! SO SWEET!

Yesterday I had a fun time at the doctor's office. I had a cyst removed from my upper leg and a mole removed from my arm. I had NO idea how they were planning on removing the cyst but lets just say they went a whole lot deeper into my leg than I anticipated.... I have a bunch of stitches on the inside and outside that I have to go back in to get the stitches taken out on the 23rd, the day before we go to Arizona!

I got my hair cut short yesterday!And I am deep in the depths of studying and won't resurface till next Thursday!

Doctors

I generally like the doctor I see. She is a nice women who gets to the point and doesn't sugar coat anything. I like that in a doctor. However today was a day when I wanted to discuss things with her, like my future, specifically my future in having children. I was stressed about what to ask and how to ask it all day...

I made it to my appointment on time (it was at 5:20) and got into the tiny examination room by 5:25 and then waited... and waited... and waited... finally (after 1 trip out to the nurses station and a million rounds of Tetris) my Doctor comes in at 5 minutes to 6. She had enough time to tell me that my insulin resistance has improved from an 18 to a 14 and that my cholesterol is great... she printed a new prescription for my Diamox for the next 6 months and sent me on my way. I was a little disappointed and didn't even bother asking any of my questions because I respect that she wants to leave at 6 just as I would want to leave work when my time is up.

I walked out and had to leave through the back exit to get out of the building because everything was closed. I scheduled my next appointment with her for December 12th at 10am! There will be no reason for me to not discuss these things with her then since she won't be shewing me out the door at closing time!

Giving Thanks

My sister in law Lisa sent the family an email this morning asking us what we are grateful for. She is giving a talk on Sunday on Gratitude... I have been in the dumps for the past few days (maybe even weeks) trying to make it through School, Work, Health and personal issues. Seeing Lisa's email helped me remember that there are so many things I can be grateful for!

I am a freak about Lists so in the spirit of Thanks Giving:

1. My adorably sweet patient and kind husband!
2. My Mom and Dan's Mom, both are willing to listen to me talk about what is going on in my life and give advice! (Not to mention Dan's Mom coming over to help me do dishes when I was freaking out the other day!)
3. Our siblings. I love my brothers and Kate as well as step siblings Scott & Penny and Steven & Mindy! I also feel like one of the great bonus' of marrying Dan was inheriting 6 more wonderful friends who have been through so much and I can learn from them and enjoy being around them!
   
4. The Gospel and the Atonement. This is what makes it possible for Dan and I to get sealed in the temple and what gives me hope for a better future. For the first time in my life I feel like theres no way I would want to miss church for any reason. Going to church on Sunday gives me a spiritual recharge to make it through yet another week!
   
5. My sweet little friends and cousins Chainey and Carley. They give me hope that someday I can have kids like them!
   
6. My friends! All of them! They support me and lift me up and make me laugh! I love them!
   
7. My education! As much as I moan and groan I am so thankful that I am nearing the end of my time here at BYU and I am so proud of myself for getting to this point and for making it to the end even though their have been times when I have wanted to give up!
8. My health!!! I am so quick to complain about my current health status but I cannot give enough gratitude to my heavenly father for the fact that my greatest health problem, (or what seems to me to be my biggest struggle) Pseudotumor Cerebri, was not in fact a brain tumor! Just a pretend one!
   
9. I am thankful for the Weight Watchers program because it has helped me so much in my struggle with losing weight in order to be a healthier person!
   
10. Ok this may sound dumb but I am so thankful for Blogging! It has been a great way for me to journal this year having limited time to sit down and write in a journal... instead this is something I can do between classes (during classes) and when I have a minute on the computer here and there! I also LOVE reading blogs! Its so much fun!
    

We Heart Weight Watchers

I usually don't talk to people about losing weight or doing Weight Watchers, but what the heck... its not going to hurt anything!

Dan and I have both done weight watchers before, but I can honestly say its a lot easier when both of us are doing it together! I am so proud of Dan for committing to eat healthier! We have been doing WW together for 7 full weeks now and I have lost 10.2 pounds and Dan has lost 18.6!

Yay for being healthier! I got my blood drawn yesterday for the 1st time in 3 months to test my insulin level! I am really hoping that my insulin resistance has gone down a little bit. I still need to do better about not eating carbs but I am doing a whole lot better than I was 3 months ago!

News Flash

I am overweight. I have struggled with my weight almost my entire life. I remember feeling fat in kindergarten, your average say 6 year old doesn't not (should not) come up with this idea on their own and I don't remember classmates telling me that I was fat so I pretty much know the source... Anyway I look back and I was a normal 6 year old, just tall. Whatever, I am far older than 6 and the self esteem body issue damage has been done and all I can do is work through how I feel.

Time goes by. I get to be a freshman in high school, I am doing okay, I am still overweight but in the grand scheme of things I was relatively normal for an adult. Then my parents go through their divorce. I get really angry and depressed and food became a comfort. I gained a lot of weight in high school and I wish I could go back to those days and reorganize my behavior and unhealthy eating habits. But regrets die hard and we move on, right?

I get to college. Now I am significantly overweight. I go through my freshman year and finish and realize I hate being overweight. I start doing weight watchers and lose a lot of weight, yet I become obsessive about it and it didn't end up being the healthiest thing for me at that time in my life. I was convinced my life would be so much better if I was thin. I was wrong. It did make me susceptible to the male audience that I had never received attention from and little did I know at the time most guys that I met in Provo did not want to get to know me for my mind.

So heart break, heart break, abusive relationships, heart break, etc occur.

Then I get sick... I get so awesomely sick that I can't get out of bed or go to school for that semester. I get so sick that I can't run which was my life line to staying thin at that time. I pick myself up have some more abuse and heart break and then I meet Dan. Dan accepted me for the "man hating basket case" that I was at the time. He saw me and wanted to know me. I am so thankful for him. He sees me through my Pseudotumor Cerebri and then is my husband when I find out about my insulin resistance.

Now I am at the state where I have had 3 significant health issues in the past year and a half and have gained back most of the weight I lost originally. I need to lose weight in order to be a healthy person but now I realize I don't need to lose weight to be accepted. I think about my future and my children and I now want to change for completely different reasons.
I am a public health major. I have a great worth of knowledge about what it takes for people to live long lives and be healthy. I know I am one of the only overweight people in my classes but still I come everyday and talk about lowering peoples risk for diabetes and childhood obesity levels. I think to myself... "will I ever be a marketable candidate for a position if I cannot portray myself as living what I preach?"

Well by the demands of my doctor and her threats on my future I am back on healthy regime. I don't mind it, I actually quite prefer it, however sometimes I fear my obsessive competitive attitude will manifest in an unhealthy way. Dan has me in check however.

I miss running. I used to run, a lot. I used to run all over Provo and I miss that dearly. I am not working into getting into the perfect pair of jeans, I am not looking to set off on the runways of New York or Paris or even Provo.... I am looking to run again, because when I ran I felt so free.
This may be of interest to absolutely no one, but these are the things I don't tell people. These are the things I hide away from peers and friends. Well guess what, I'm not hiding anymore.

With new illness comes new insight

I am overcoming my fear of doctors... because I find that when I go, I usually find out good information that helps me over come my health problems... who would have thought!!

I am anxiously awaiting to find out more about a metabolic disorder my doctor thinks I may have due to a skin discoloration on my leg that I have had since, well, as long as I remember. Well the skin discoloration is not the reason I have the metabolic disorder but it is related to this metabolic disorder. As she went through all the things that happens with this disorder... I was like "hey lady thats my life story!"

I want to live a healthy life. I am a Public Health major. I want to be a nurse. I love the health care field and all things medical. Its is a shock to me at times why I am so unhealthy. I want to be able to run and enjoy my life. Running is one of my favorite activities but I haven't been able to for a while. I want to have children. That is probably the thing I want most in this world. I also don't want to develop Diabetes which can happen with insulin resistance and metabolic problems.

Anyway I hope all goes well. As difficult as it may be to go through these health problems, its better knowing what is wrong than continuing on in life always feeling sick and miserable. I look forward to a healthier life but at the same time if I have insulin resistance and crappy hormones, I will need to give up carbs! But still I would rather live without carbs if that means I can fix a lot of my current health problems and prevent them from becoming more complicated issues.

Anyway in short I am glad I finally went to the doctor after canceling my appointment 3 times!

I get to figure this all out and start school next Tuesday!!! WOOO HOOO!

Off to work I go

So I decided even thou my eyes are shot to hell and I feel like crap... I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK! I have been out for almost a week and a half and am doing a lot better. I have to stop being a baby and get out of my house. TONS OF PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY BLIND AND THEY GO TO WORK! I am just having a tough time adjusting to my new vision impairment. Driving is not a possibility and walking on the ice makes me look like a clown cause I can't see which spots actually have ice or are just the ghost image of what I am really seeing. BLAH!

So goal is go get a bus pass... and force myself to work!

Medical Mysteries are fun and games!

So after weeks of horrible migraine headaches and neck pain, and numerous doctors telling me that I am A) too stressed B) dehydrated and C) developing migraines... I was at a loss for words. We went to the ER two Wednesday's ago and they sent us home with pain meds (which didn't help the pain) and a note saying that they didn't believe anything serious was causing my pain. So basically I am a stressed out dehydrated girl developing migraines for the first time in her life. All of which still may be true.

I had suffered through Christmas break with migraines and a car wreck but then all of a sudden about a week ago, I got double vision! Ever crossed your eyes and have your parents tell you that if you do that too much it will get stuck... well mine got stuck around age 21! I was having a fit. That was the final straw... that was the "something must be really wrong here." Dan's mom called their eye doctor and he talked to me on Sunday and got me to come into his office the next morning. After running a bunch of tests and looking at my eyes he told me that my optic nerves were swollen and that I most likely had something called "Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension" aka a Pseudotumor. Ever heard of it? No? Neither had I.

Well a million doctor's later, a spinal tap and a nice hour and a half MRI tell me that yep I have Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension. Basically my body is behaving as if I have a brain tumor but their is no tumor their, silly body, quit trying to kill me, its not a tumor!!

I am exhausted, and thankfully after almost a full week I can say my vision is improving, my taste buds are ruined due to the medication and diet coke taste like battery acid, and I will soon be on the road to better health.

This week my plans are to: go back to work, go back to school, and not lose my eye sight!

Crappy New Year

Started the year off with a rather messy accident trying to drive back up to Utah and now I have been in and out of doctors offices and the hospital due to migraine, neck and head pain, blurred and double vision. It has been rather grand I must say. Not~