Emotionally Drained

Sweet Susan Mortensen Turley passed away from Colon Cancer on Friday at her home in Tempe, Arizona with her family at her side. She documented her journey through colon cancer on her blog and she will be greatly missed. She was a track and field star at our High School as well as the University of Arizona. She and her husband Justin got engaged right after Dan and I did last year and were married the first week of January. She comes from an amazing family and their faith will always resonate within me of what the gospel truly means. Sweet Justin has lost his beautiful wife far to early in this mortal life but not for long in the grand scheme of the eternities thanks to the sealing of families for time and all eternity in the Temple.

The following is something Susan's father shared with her and her family.

"… the tests of life are tailored for our own best interests, and all will face the burdens best suited to their own mortal experience. In the end we will realize that God is merciful as well as just and that all the rules are fair. We can be reassured that our challenges will be the ones we needed, and conquering them will bring blessings we could have received in no other way.

If we constantly focus only on the stones in our mortal path, we will almost surely miss the beautiful flower or cool stream provided by the loving Father who outlined our journey. Each day can bring more joy than sorrow when our mortal and spiritual eyes are open to God's goodness. Joy in the gospel is not something that begins only in the next life. It is our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens—even if some days it doesn't seem so. Jesus said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." Enjoy those blessings right now. They are yours and always will be."

As of yesterday, I realized there are some decisions I need to make. I have had lots of things happen to me while in college and right now I feel like I need to make my health, happiness, and sanity a priority in my life. I never anticipated having to make these decisions about my job and school, but now I am faced with deciding how I want to spend the next 6 months of my life.

I hate to let people down, but for some reason I never mind letting myself down. Hmm...

Dan is taking me out tonight to get my mind off things. We are going up to Salt Lake to see the Temple Lights and go to Cafe Rio. I love my sweet husband. Whenever I start to get anxious and stressed about life, he brings me back to reality. He reminds me that no matter what choice I make we will be just fine. I love him.

May We So live

At the beginning of the semester I was assigned to present a 15 minute presentation about death and dying in my Health and Aging course.

Today I attempted to muster through it. My heart was full of emotions on this topic.

I read today President Monson's Ensign article entitled May We So Live. It helped me have a greater peace with the subject and reflect on what death means to me.

Saying goodbye to Grandpa Rex

Last night at about 12:07, I would say, as I had just finished writing (what is now because it wasn't going to be at the time) the last sentence of my last post, Grandpa Rex stopped breathing. Dan and I had offered to take watch over Grandpa last night to give Dan's mom and two aunts, Joan and Mary, a break so they could sleep. At 11 Dan and I gave Grandpa his medicine and made sure he was comfortable. I took his temperature and found it was 100.2 and his pulse was up in the high 80's and his is normally very low. His heart beat had also been weak and irregular.

Dan went to bed for just a little bit but decided to come back and stay with me in Grandpa's room and I am so thankful he did. Because of that decision and I would say the spirit we were able to get to Dan's mom and her sisters much faster than I believe either of us could have done alone.

Dan and I looked at each other for only a moment as to what to do. We both sat down our computers and went to Grandpa's side. I tried to find his pulse and it was very slow and weak and I also put my hand about 2 inches above his month and nose to feel if any air was coming out. I told Dan to go and he ran faster than I could ever have done. Within what seemed like 2 seconds Kathy, Joan and Mary were standing by their fathers side as he took 2 more gasps of air. We all were trying to find his pulse and held our hands on his arms and chest.

It was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I have always been scared of death, but one thing I learned last night that death is lots of things, but one thing it was not was scary. I appreciate and love grandpa for all he has done. He taught me so much in the year I have known him about strength and independence (sometimes to the point of far too much independence) but he was a fighter, he was strong and he loved doing things for himself. I am so happy that right now he is with his sweetheart Donna. They have been apart for 21 years and I am so excited for both of them.

I hope Dan and I can have as an amazing a life as Donna and Rex have had. With trials and children and love.