Pregnancy everywhere... oh its a baby boom?

Well I was NOT aware that 2013 was a baby boom year (although I should have known) but people keep referring to babies as "boom" and I have been SO completely confused! Well that being said, please remember your infertile friends if you are one of the blessed who are benefiting from this boom :)

Us infertile ladies are receiving a very steady income of pregnancy announcements and its not easy for us, no we are not mad at you but its a hard reminder for us of what we can't have (no one blames you for having a beautiful perfect little baby, we want the same thing! its just hard being the one that can't have a child when they so desperately want one). There are ways to lessen the surprise for those who are not booming and that can help a lot...

The hardest part for me in this boom is that we are hearing announcements of people on their 2nd pregnancies since we have been trying for 1 and that has been a huge struggle for me, I know soon here we will be hearing about people getting pregnant with their 3rd child in the time we've been trying but I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself... I know if we lived in the noninfertility world we'd be just like everyone else... but over 2 1/2 years later we are still waiting..

Anyway... Like I've said before, I don't expect everyone to tell us personally (or simply through an email) but I really and truly appreciate the ones that have, it has meant the world. I've found that there's nothing more upsetting to me (when it comes to pregnancy announcements) than finding out via adorable pregnancy announcement photo on facebook/blog/instagram etc. I'm really sorry if that sounds rude but when you've been trying to get pregnant for over 2 1/2 years you have heard/seen a LOT of pregnancy announcements and its never gotten easier for me. 
 
Anyway liked this article. Gives good advice. 
 
http://infertility.about.com/od/familyandfriends/qt/Telling-Your-Infertile-Friend-Or-Relative-That-Youre-Pregnant.htm

Telling Your Infertile Friend or Relative That You're Pregnant

Sharing the News and Maintaining Your Friendship Through Pregnancy

By Rachel Gurevich, About.com Guide

Updated March 28, 2013

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Don't let your new pregnancy get in the way of your friendship.

Photo (c) Michael Hitoshi / Getty Images

 

If you have a friend or relative with infertility, you already know how hard it can be for her to learn about other people's pregnancies. So if you become pregnant, as excited as you likely are, you may also be dreading sharing the news with your infertile friend. This can be even harder if you experienced infertility together, as you may have some survivor's guilt.

Here are some ways to make it easier on you both.

Tell Her - Don't Keep Your Pregnancy a Secret

Not telling your friend, but telling others, may seem protective and easier at first, but it is also very likely to backfire. She may find out from someone else in a non-understanding setting. She may also feel hurt you kept the pregnancy a secret from her.

Be sure that you're the one to tell her about your new pregnancy, and not someone down the grapevine.

Give Her Space and Time

Your friend will want to be happy for you, but it's normal for her first reaction to be heartache. This is about her feelings of loss, and not because she's unhappy with your pregnancy. Allowing her space and permission to have these feelings (and remembering it's not about you!) is the key to being a wonderful friend.

Giving her space may mean giving her the news via email, or telling her face to fact but in a relaxed setting. For example, telling her at Thanksgiving Dinner is not a great idea. The week before, perhaps during a coffee date together, would be better.

Giving her "permission" for her feelings could mean simply stating, "I know this may be hard for you to hear, and I just want you to know I understand." Of course, no one needs another person's permission to have their feelings, but knowing you understand will provide a tremendous amount of relief.

Invite Her to the Baby Shower But Give Her an Easy Out

Another mistake people often make is not inviting their infertile friend or relative to the baby shower. It's true that baby showers are often difficult for the fertility challenged, but not being invited is also painful. Instead, invite her, but be clear that you understand if she'd rather not attend or wants give a gift at a later time.

Stay in Touch

The fertility challenged can feel like their friends disappear one by one off into motherhood, leaving them behind. The fact is that pregnancy and early motherhood are overwhelming and take a good amount of time. However, maintaining friendship is also important, and even if you can't be in touch as often, don't just stop calling altogether.

If you're worried about talking only about the pregnancy and the baby, try to remember all the things you spoke about before you got pregnant. Make yourself a list, if it helps, so that when you call, you're not scrambling for non-baby related topics to talk about.

Don't Assume She Doesn't Want to Hear About Your Pregnancy

Yes, hearing about morning sickness and first kicks can be difficult in some situations, but not all. Your friend might complain about her coworker who talks endless about her morning sickness, but she may enjoy hearing all about yours. Not sure how much she'd like to hear? Ask her!

The uncomfortable barrier between pregnant and infertile friends isn't primarily caused by the pregnancy, but by all the unspoken fears and tension that grow in silence. The pregnant friend worries about not hurting the infertile friend's feelings, and the infertile friend wonders why the pregnant friend doesn't want to speak to her anymore.

It doesn't have to be this way. Talk about your concerns, let your friend know you care and understand, and, most importantly, don't drop out of your friend's life.

26+ months of infertility

I wish more friends would simply ask how we are doing. I feel like there are lots of friends and family aware of what we are going through but very few that reach out and do these things. I appreciate the ones that do more than I could ever say, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I often feel like what we are going through is often ignored, not that I want to talk about it with friends and family constantly but its nice to know that we are not alone.  Even if you have never dealt with infertility, its comforting to know there are people who love and care about the struggles we have experienced. This is a loss in our life that we are trying to come to terms with daily.

It is really really hard for me seeing people everywhere having more children, children younger than Ava that are already big brothers or big sisters (or will be very soon). Its especially hard that people who have already gotten pregnant once and had their babies are getting pregnant again since we have been trying. Its hard to see little babies become big brothers or sisters right after their 1st or 2nd birthdays. I have lots of family and friends that fit in this category of having had another child since we've been trying, obviously the world doesn't stop getting pregnant because I can't. I love you and your kids but its sometimes a hard reminder of what we can't do. You can't change that, nor should you, just be understanding that it may be hard for me (some days are harder than others).

I am grateful for what I do have and I am trying to focus on this. Its easy to judge a mom with secondary infertility and say she should just be grateful for the child/children she has but its not that simple. There are lots and lots of hard days where I can be negative and sad. Please be patient with me in this aspect.

Book I ordered to read! Looking forward to its arrival.

2 Years and Work decision

2 years ago today I woke up around 5 am with Ava and held her and cried. I cried because A) 9 months old was the age my sister was when she passed away and that fact completely broke my heart, that my mom had to go through that, it felt so unfair and wrong and B) I knew that we needed to start trying again for another baby and I already longed so much to be pregnant. I had been feeling like that for a few months, I had always always wanted our kids really close in age. I figured it would take us a few months this time but we'd have the 2 year spacing and all would be great.

Months went by and I started to realize that we weren't going to get the 2 year spacing, so I started to hope for 2 1/2.... 3... 3 1/2... 4.  I'm coming to terms (ever so slowly) with the fact that my children won't be close in age. I'm trying to cope with the fact that what I thought my life would be like is not how its going to be. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my children won't be in the same schools very much together, if at all. They won't be in high school at the same time for sure and they may not even be teenagers at the same time. I'm trying to think of how it would feel like for a child at the age of 11/12/13 to have their next older sibling move out of the house and leave for college. That I won't have 4 kids like I wanted and that 2 kids is our new number. These are all things I didn't think about and things that I'm not used to since my brothers and I are all extremely close in age. I'm trying to also come to terms with the idea that we may never have another child. That we may only have 1 and I need to learn to be okay with that.

So this has been our life for 2 years. Day in, day out, every single day all day long. Its always there. Its been a huge trial for our marriage so when people trivialize what we are going through it breaks my heart because most people don't know what this has been like for us, for our family. This however has made me even more grateful for Ava as I know how rare and precious she is. She has been the saving grace in this entire thing because the rest of it has been utter hell for us.

I have heard, seen, listened to nearly 100 (if not more) pregnancy announcements from friends and family in the last 2 years. Its been very hard. I've distanced myself from friends and loved ones as a way to protect myself. It hasn't been working too great though, I'm still sad and I'm still hurt and I have way fewer friends than I used to.  I've been trying to figure out what changes I can make in my life to change the situation we are in, either it be we get pregnant or adopt or basically give up and move on with life. I've felt like the last 2 years have been a huge waste of time (when it comes to getting pregnant) and that I've made 0 progress towards anything substantial. Its been a big 2 year pity party.

So the first thing I've decided to do is stop working for awhile. It may seem like I have a little part time job but really my etsy shop is a big full time job on top of my other full time job of being a mom. I work really really long hours and I work every single night in order to keep up with orders. As hard as it will be for me to take a break (because i wouldn't work if i didn't love it) I know I need a break. I know I need to be able to feel rested if I want a fighting chance at working out, eating healthy, losing weight and ultimately going through infertility treatments. I hope I this break will be good for me.

We appreciate the prayers said on our behalf and pray that we will ultimately above all else be able to find peace with whatever path our family takes (but I really hope that path is a new baby)

Facebook :/

It's with a little embarrassment that I say this. I had to delete a bunch of Facebook friends this last week. Well over 100. I'd love to delete Facebook all together but I have to use it for both my forms of income.

I've been struggling a lot with both friends posting about their pregnancies and general posts of friends with lots of kids (meaning more than 1 in my book) and either the stress of it or the joys. Either seem to get me down lately.

I feel bad because I did delete tons of people i do like but either their pregnant (sorry yes that was a big one and I know they won't be pregnant forever) or mostly the post they like or comment on often can have a negative effect on me... thanks to facebooks new settings I now see tons more pregnancy baby annoucements than I'd ever like from people I don't even know simply because my friends like or comment.

This all sounds horribly selfish but at this point in the journey I need to be. i have been struggling greatly with depression and I need to get some of my mental health back. I need to earn an income and Facebook is part of that. So instead of being able to delete Facebook I just had to turn it into family book and call that good enough.

So if you happen to read this blog and aren't on my Facebook anymore. I'm sorry. I'm doing the best I can right now with what I have. I hope I don't always feel like this. I hope someday life doesn't feel so overwhelmingly hard that I can't socialize with hardly anyone because this is not how I pictured my life.

Weight Loss

I'm having amazing results with my weight loss right now! Its a matter of staying focused and changing my mental views about weight loss and food.

I set a goal when I started 6 weeks ago and so far I'm 1/4th of a way to that goal time wise AND weight wise! I'm excited to be on track towards this goal and the progress keeps me encouraged.

I'm looking forward to what is to come. We are praying constantly that this weight loss will help with our struggle with infertility and make infertility treatments possible for us.

I'm blogging more detailed on this whole journey at my pcos blog but I am so excited today about this that I couldn't help but share that in this aspect of my life I'm doing well right now!

2 1/2 Year Update

I blinked and 6 months flew by and it feels like the next 6 months will go by so quick and then she will be 3!

Dan started his new job this week after being laid off a week ago and we are so thankful that it all happened so quick so that he was not unemployed for more than a few days.  Dan's 26th birthday is on Tuesday and then Kate and Ellerie come for a week starting on Wednesday!!! We cannot wait to get our hands on that cute baby!

I attempted to do some accurate (as accurate as I can do on my own) measurements this morning.  The stats I'll be putting in the baby book.

35.5 pounds (97%)
38.5 inches (97%)

This is the first time she's ever been bellow 99.6% for height since she was 2 months old! maybe this means she's slowing down! She wears size 4 dresses, 3/4 tops and 3/4 bottoms (3 pants and 4 skirts shorts) She wears size 9/10 shoes.

She talks NON stop even if it doesn't make sense, she never stops talking, from the moment she wakes up till the moment she falls asleep at night, she's just talking. We have some favorite "avaisms"

Oh no, oh dear, hey guys, whats going on, you found me, thank you soooo much, I can't do it (usually says when we are changing her diaper), Ya elp (which means you come help me), come on let's go, It's stuck, yucky diaper (keee), teek a boo....

I was asking her what noises things make yesterday and she told me what a dinosaur, bird, chickie, horse, dog, cow, sheep, duck, cat and mommy's say :) Mommy's say "its okay, its okay" and pat you on the arm.  Made my heart melt!!

She loves colors and especially loves all the colorful things we put in her room when we redid it last month. She knows all the colors names but doesn't usually get them right. Everything to her seems to be yellow or green :) Dan asked if she was color blind... no she's just 2.

We've had to child proof all of our doors, none of them are safe unless they are locked from the other side.  She also has figured out how to get in and out of her booster seat at the kitchen table all on her own!

She loves to wear seat belts and whenever she gets in the car, stroller, shopping cart she says "seat belt! so we can be safe" thanks to Dora. She has figured out how to unclip seat belts in shopping carts but just for the purpose of reclipping them :)

She sings everytime we get in the car and if she is in a bad mood (which does happen more now a days than before) we put on "some nights" by fun and she sings it so loud :) Its so cute. I love when she starts singing it on her own without the music and hearing what words she thinks are in the song.

She hates going to places like Joanns and Hobby Lobby but the one thing she does like about the trips is when we get fabric cut. She pretends her fingers are scissors and says "nuk nuk nuk" which I guess is the sound scissors make?  She LOVES scissors... never thought I'd have to worry about scissors soo much. She see's a pair and she must have it and she must make it go open and close and she loves to pretend she has scissors... it scares me

She is so much fun and a lot more work than she used to be, but we figure it out each day. Napping is really hit or miss. She went 3 weeks without a single nap till we got her the big twin bed. now it just depends on the day.  I have a feeling she will give up napping all together soon.

She is the little love of my life and regardless what happens with our infertility I feel so blessed and lucky to have Ava. I want so much to give her a little sibling... I have to remind myself that it will happen eventually whether through adoption or pregnancy. We will find a way to make our family grow. I am so excited to see Ava as a big sister, it makes me so happy thinking about it. She is my sweet sweet girl and I can't imagine a day without her.

Private blog

http://apcosmama.blogspot.com/

I made the infertility blog private again. I'm open to send invites :) so if anyone wants one let me know your email address

Ava's new BIG GIRL room!

Last week Ava attempted to climb out of her toddler bed via the crib side and got stuck between the wall and the crib. She's gotten too big for her crib toddler bed. I also LOVE our crib and it is one of the few things that I do want to use next time so I did not want her to break it either with her new gymnastic skills.

I never in my wildest dreams thought we would have to take the crib down. I ALWAYS thought it would be hard for me to get pregnant with our first but once we had our first that we'd be able to have our kids all about 1 1/2 - 2 years apart and we'd never have to take down the crib till we were done having kids. Oh how wrong I was. Ava was our "easy" child to conceive and nearly 2 years later number 2 is proving to be extremely difficult.

I was able to take down the crib this morning without crying. I did it with Ava there and that helped because she was so excited about her new big bed.  We managed to take the crib down and put her twin bed up in an hour and then my mother in law watched her while I hung tissue pom pom's from the ceiling and a clothesline of rompers :)

And if you noticed that this is the same quilt that we have in our room... then you are right. I have loved it all along for Ava's room. When we decided to change Ava's room over, I looked it up on Pottery Barn and they were clearance them out and all they had left were King size duvets.  I decided to go for it and used the material to make the twin comforter and the extra material for curtains, pillow cases and I still have more left! 

Ava was so excited about it and went to sleep so easy tonight. She has napped 1 time (yesterday) in 3 weeks so we are hoping that maybe this will help nap time too :) Ignore the messy bookcase, still need to work on it.  And I'm changing the pom poms in this last picture, I don't love the pastels. AND I'm doing a contest on my brittybird blog to figure out a vinyl for right over her bed!! :)

New blog!

I've decided to start a new blog. This blog will still be our family pictures and things blog but in the coming year I anticipate my life becoming heavily weighted with thoughts in the infertility/baby arena. I know that subject isn't a favorite for everyone so I'd like to keep those thoughts separate. If you would like an invite to the new blog let me know.I will likely make it public eventually but for now I'm keeping it private. But if anyone is interested in a lot too many details into my life and mind then let me know ;)

Weight loss

I'm down 17 pounds!!!

On Ava's birthday I weighed the most I've ever weighed which is very depressing since I've gained all the weight I've lost before on Weight Watchers back :( I weigh more now than I did at 9 months pregnant with Ava as well, since I'm being honest.  Its VERY frustrating.

I've dealt with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome since I was 13 (so half my life now). Its very frustrating and the accompanying insulin resistance makes it very hard to lose weight and really easy to gain and the more you gain the harder it is to lose. Its a really crummy cycle. 

Ava's 2nd birthday was one of the lowest times of my life (and no nothing to do with Ava).  As soon as we got home from our trip I made the decision to not let my weight stand in the way of what I want. All I want in life is to be happy, healthy and have more children.

At times it feels a little strange to think "I have to lose weight so I can gain it again while pregnant" but being pregnant will be SO completely worth it. 

I'm hoping to lose 80 pounds, which isn't even all I need to lose but 80 is my goal right now.  Sounds like so much some days so I try to just focus on small weekly goals first. Dan has lost nearly 30 pounds (he also started about a month before me however). I'm proud of him and of myself for doing this.

We have been using "my fitness pal" on our phones.  This is the first time I've ever tried anything other than Weight Watchers, and I'm really liking this.  It has its similarities to Weight Watchers but I also very much enjoy not having to figure out points.

Anyway I'm halfway to my first big goal I set on Ava's birthday which was to lose her weight of 33 pounds!

2 Year Old Ava (long for my records)

Ava is 2... I have said that so many times in the last 2 weeks and still can't believe it! I am still a bit shocked that Ava turned 2 and not only do we not have another child but I'm not pregnant with another. All my life when thinking about having children I envisioned them being no more than 2 years apart in age... Knowing that Ava will be at least 3 or 4 or even older before she has a little sibling (if she gets one at all) really hurts my heart but its just the battle that I have to go through.

I feel like I'm the only person in the world that's not pregnant or have a newborn some days but I just need to try and not focus on that and focus on the wonderful little girl who really is a miracle and the greatest blessing. I know lots of friends who have battled infertility and are still waiting on their miracle and I pray for those friends daily. Its a difficult struggle, I am 16+ months into it but still have a ways to go.

Onto Ava.

Ava had her 2 year well check today. Yesterday I had to take her in for a sick kid check because our office won't do well and sick at the same time :( She's been having a hard time with her ears, eyes, throat. She has a sinus infection and is now on antibiotics and drops for her ears and eyes. I was worried that maybe her tubes had come out but it appears that her ears are just clogged and nothing can get out.

Ava's stats today were

37 inches tall (99%)
32 pounds 6 ounces (98%)
19 1/2 inch head (95%)

Our doctor immediately started in talking about how tall she is. She mentioned the whole idea of doubling a 2 year olds height to estimate their height as an adult. If you double Ava's height she would be 6'2! Our doctor took the guess that she will be 6+ feet tall. I looked back at my height at 2 and turns out I'm just 1 inch shorter than my height doubled at 2.

Ava's wearing 3T clothes... her ideal outfit is 4T shirts and 2T pants. But overall 3T fit best :) She is wearing 7/8 size shoes depending on the shoe and is in size 5 diapers when we used disposable. We are not anywhere near potty training.. no motivation yet.

Ava says SO much, she repeats everything. She even knows her ABC's, how to count to 10, she knows her colors, she can recognize her ABC's and the sounds of letters. Her latest saying that she learned the other day is "have a GREAT day!" its very cute!

She has 11 teeth right now and is currently getting 3 of her canines... I hope they come in soon! She hasn't been to the dentist yet but our ped told us to take her closer to her 3rd birthday. She loves brushing her teeth/getting her teeth brushed so I think we'll be okay.

She is still sleeping great! She was going through a phase where she was waking up every night at 4am but now shes back to her normal self. She also moved into a big girl toddler bed in January and she LOVES it! She will sleep anywhere. We have found her on the floor often but she is happy to be free.

She is eating better and a ton. She loves most foods but must feed herself. Her favorites are peanut butter, black beans, chocolate :) to name a few. She's FINALLY drinking water. She would never drink water but the last few weeks shes actually been willing to drink it :)

One thing I didn't think she would have still at 2 is the pacifier. She uses it to sleep and I have no motivation to take it away from her.. so OH well.. I know some people don't like it but thats fine by me. She is also still rear facing in her car seat which may seem "babyish" according to some but I'm keeping her that way.

Other than that shes a super happy rough and tumble sweet little girl. She really rolls with the punches and makes me so happy. She is the best little girl I could ask for!

No truer words

We've hit 1 year since we have wanted a 2nd baby. 1 year and no closer to baby number 2. I thought we'd be having a baby in January. Mothers day weekend I had 3 positive pregnancy tests (yes I kept taking them) but lo and behold I'm not pregnant and not having a baby next month. Chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage, whatever you call it, I call it heartache. I pray with all my heart that by this time next year we will indeed be pregnant expecting our 2nd. Ava truly is a blessing from the start and continues to be the greatest gift I've ever been given.

(16 &) 17 Months Old

Ava is 17 months old!! I somehow missed writing a 16 month update for Ava with getting tubes last month but here we are and she's already 17 months old!! 1 more month and she's off to nursery and will be 1 1/2!!! How is this possible!

She's talking a LOT more since she got the tubes in her ears. I keep track of her words and phrases in my phone and its AMAZING to see how many shes developed just since getting tubes! I honestly think she said about 5 or so words before she got tubes. That day we got home she said 2 new ones and has been adding tons since.

I'm writing this list for me for future reference so enjoy lol and this is about the order she learned them... but not totally

Words:
Dada
Mama
Wow
Hi
Num
Ya
Bye
Kenji
No
Uh Oh
Down
Thank You
Up
Nice
Eyes
Nose
Go
Papa
Night
Share
Baba
Whose there
Hello
One

Has said before but not as easy to get her to repeat:
Lisa
Dortha
Yes (ya-sss)
Ya I do
Doggie
Grandma
You
How are you
Food
Two

If you ask her want a snake says she says "SSSSS" Its cute, she'll sometimes do kitty right and we are working on what a dog says now :)

Ava is wearing 2T and even some 3T clothes now but I haven't had the heart to put away ANY of her 24 month clothes... I need to though. She is wearing 5/6 in shoes. We went and got her shoes the day she turned 1 and those were a size 4 and now her 5's barely fit, so I think we will be in 6's full time here real soon. Why can't she stay tiny!!! We have a ton of clothes we have been storing and I have even more stored coming up for her to wear... Girl has way too many clothes!

Ava has 6 teeth now, and 5 or 6 more coming in soon! She's got 5 teeth in front and 1 molar on top :) Everytime I try to get my finger in her mouth to feel she tries to bite me! Thankfully she doesn't bite otherwise.

She is such a well behaved little girl. Ava and I traveled 4200 miles in 3 weeks through Az, Ut, Id, Wy, Sd, Nd, and Mt. She was perfect the entire time. She sleeps, she eats, we get out a couple of times when we get gas, she plays with some toys, she doesn't whine or fuss or cry. Its sooo nice to travel with her! If she didn't travel well I'm sure I'd never make the drive anywhere because I hate driving!

I'm really impressed with how easy she is. She loves other kids and is such a sweet heart. I am so grateful for what a blessing she is in our life. I've wanted another baby in our home for 9 months now. Unfortunately we know the wait to have one is going to be a lot longer. Its hard for me to think that getting pregnant with Ava was so simple, if this 2nd child was like Ava I'd be giving birth in a week.

This already shows me that every child is different and although my plans were to have another child already, that's not necessarily gods plan for us. I've learned a lot in the last 9 months, and 17 months for that matter. I am looking forward to the day that we find out that I'm pregnant again and pray that it all works out and our battle with secondary infertility will end soon enough. I need to go back to my doctor and talk about some more medical options because so far I haven't seen much changes with the meformin I've been taking.

Here's to more exciting updates in the future :)