Quiz

Brittany is:
A) Exhausted
B) Bored
C) Sick to her stomach
D) Hating work
E) All of the above

With new illness comes new insight

I am overcoming my fear of doctors... because I find that when I go, I usually find out good information that helps me over come my health problems... who would have thought!!

I am anxiously awaiting to find out more about a metabolic disorder my doctor thinks I may have due to a skin discoloration on my leg that I have had since, well, as long as I remember. Well the skin discoloration is not the reason I have the metabolic disorder but it is related to this metabolic disorder. As she went through all the things that happens with this disorder... I was like "hey lady thats my life story!"

I want to live a healthy life. I am a Public Health major. I want to be a nurse. I love the health care field and all things medical. Its is a shock to me at times why I am so unhealthy. I want to be able to run and enjoy my life. Running is one of my favorite activities but I haven't been able to for a while. I want to have children. That is probably the thing I want most in this world. I also don't want to develop Diabetes which can happen with insulin resistance and metabolic problems.

Anyway I hope all goes well. As difficult as it may be to go through these health problems, its better knowing what is wrong than continuing on in life always feeling sick and miserable. I look forward to a healthier life but at the same time if I have insulin resistance and crappy hormones, I will need to give up carbs! But still I would rather live without carbs if that means I can fix a lot of my current health problems and prevent them from becoming more complicated issues.

Anyway in short I am glad I finally went to the doctor after canceling my appointment 3 times!

I get to figure this all out and start school next Tuesday!!! WOOO HOOO!

Half Day

I had a half day from work today due to BYU graduation (NEXT YEAR IT WILL BE ME!)

I had a few ideas of what I could do with my afternoon off... 1st go see a movie and 2nd go on a hike. I decided to take the hike. Going to the movie would enable me to escape my life for an hour and a half and the hike would make me think about my life for an hour and a half.

I have not hiked my favorite little hike up at vivian park up Provo canyon in a year. I love this hike because I have been taking it every summer that I have lived here in Provo. At my best condition (which I am not at or close to right now) I could run the trail and loved it. Today I simply walked and huff and puffed my way through my thoughts. I thought about what is important to me and what kind of person I want to be. I can be a pessimist and often feel like something bad is going to happen.

I think the thing I need to focus on is not when life is going to end but what I am doing while I am alive. Does my husband know how much I absolutely love him? Does my mom know how much she has done for me and taught me? Does my family know how much I need them as a support and how much I love spending time with them? and the list goes on and on. I fear for so much but sometimes I forget to live instead of just be afraid.

I love Daniel. I think thats the thing I thought about the most on my hike. I love him and I want to be the women he deserves because he is more than the man I deserve. I have never had someone so patient with me when I can be so inpatient and often say something and just kick myself for having opened my mouth. I want to work towards being a better person for myself and for the one person I love more than anything in my life.

I think I picked the right afternoon activity. When the hike was over all I wanted to do was see my Daniel and hold him.

Salt Lake City Temple

Bob Boyd does temple photography. These are two of my favorite pictures of the Salt Lake Temple. I love this temple, every time I go to temple square I feel such a piece and comfort and a new sense of direction. I wish I could have that feeling more often.

Congratulations Lonna & Shane!

My BEAUTIFUL friend Lonna who I have been blessed to know since just before my 8th birthday had her first baby! Drake Hunsaker!! Drake held out until August 8th, 2008 (almost 8 am!)

I was fortunate enough to be their the day Lonna started her secret crush on good old handsome Shane Hunsaker! We were 13 turning 14 going to be freshman in high school and were doing PE during summer school and there Shane was! Thanks to a few friends linking them up they dated all through high school, she waited for Shane while he was on his mission and now they are the cutest family!

Tubing Down Provo River

The day after Lisa's wedding the Calkins Crew (minus Lisa and Larry) decided to go tubing down the Provo river. I readily agreed seeing as Dan's Mom was even going, I figured, how bad could it be!

Dan got off work early and we all started our drive up Provo Canyon. There was a terrible car accident that involved a SUV and 2 motorcycles that had the highway slowed down to a halt. We finally got up to the Tube Rental place and got out and ready to go. We all had to get suited with life jackets and it being late in the day, their was a large crowd getting to take the last bus up the canyon to the top of the river. I had only been tubing one time down in the Salt River in Arizona and you didn't have to wear a life jacket and the water barely moved at times. I was starting to get a little worried.

As we drove up the canyon the guy who was in charge was telling us the things we needed to remember. We needed to remember to go Left, Right, Right when we come to the three forks in the river and when we see the bridge we have to exit to the right and NOT go under the bridge. I was freaking out, now I had to remember things in order to ensure my safety! I was not too happy, Dan's mom didn't seem to excited either.

We get to the top and make sure most of the other passengers get in the river before us. I am nervous, its starting to get cold and cloudy! We get in the river and its absolutely freezing. I was nervous and audibly so and we all tried to stay together as a group and hold on to one another. I would loudly freak out whenever I got close to hitting the side and 8 people holding on in a big group caused us to drift the edges ALOT. Finally we all had to cut loose on our own and I was so scared. I did not want to be in front and started having a panic attack when it was evident that I was in front.

I fell out of my tube when I was wiggling around and was neck deep in freezing water trying to hold on to my tube and not die. The water was moving and I was having a hard time trying to get back into my tube. Thankfully Dan's Dad and Brother, Matt helped me get to the side and get back in my tube. Then Matt held onto my tube as I bawled because Dan was stuck behind. It was very sweet of Matt because I was so upset. I was having the worst time.

Finally I got off on my own, decided not to hang on to anyone and just work my way down the river. I paddled a lot to stay in the middle and ended up leading most of the way. I did just fine getting out at the bridge and making it to the right forks in the river and even getting out at the end. It was a panic provoking trip but I am glad we did it. I learned a lot about the Calkins Family and I enjoyed being able to learn about how they deal with somewhat stressful situations.
Dan scratched his angle pretty bad on a branch near the side, I am pretty sure he will always have a scar to remind us of that trip!

Lisas Wedding

Lisa and Larry's wedding was so absolutely beautiful. Lisa is Dan's only sister and she married Mr Larry Troyan. Aunt Pam and I took a ton of pictures at the wedding! It was so beautiful!

Larry is currently serving in the Navy taking Lisa to Seattle where he is stationed until further notice (I guess). They have just purchased their first home and I am so excited for them both! Larry is my only brother in law... ever... on either side of the family. He is so patient and sweet and he and Lisa are such an amazing pair.

It was wonderful to be able to have such a fun time with Dan's siblings this trip compared to our wedding when we were being pulled in every direction. I fully embrassed the sisters aspect of the weekend but at some points I would think to myself.... this has never been discussed by me in my life... ever... period. The hard part though was we would start doing stuff and then we would all start missing Lisa and Larry... I am sure they are not missing us far tooo much down in Mexico but still we are all looking forward to a full family get together!

Brittany's Wedding Diary

You don't need to read this... its my thoughts on my wedding... Its not complete and Its very long...

I was thinking about it the other day and I have not written down my feelings and thoughts surrounding our wedding... Seeing as not too many people read this blog I will write it here as a place to put it till I have my wedding scrapbook done and I can put it in there.

Leading up to our wedding day:

The days leading up to our trip down to Arizona were exciting. I honestly could not believe the time had come for us to finally get married. In the course of just a few months I had moved 3 times and was exhausted. I stayed with Dan's parents the last 5 days before we left for our wedding. I had just finished my 1 class that I was taking spring term and was anxious to get to Arizona. There were so many times that I wanted to just leave early for our wedding but due to a few things I had to do in Utah we couldn't just pick up and leave. It was getting so hard to just be calm and relaxed. I felt like their were a ton of things I needed to do and I had to wait and do them. Having had 8 months to plan our wedding was way too long but things all worked out for the best.

We left for Arizona on June 25th. It was a Wednesday and my work had planned to have a little party for Dan and I as a congrats for getting married. It was fun but the entire time I could only think about how I wanted to leave! Dan was there and we escaped by 1:30. I remember getting back to his house and making sure EVERYTHING was packed in the car. We left Orem by 3 and were planning on going straight to Vegas and staying the night their with Dan's cousin Tom. By the time we made it to Vegas it was 8 pm there and I was so eager to get to AZ we just kept driving. I drove the ENTIRE way and we got to my house at 2 am or so. Dan was upset with me because he wanted to drive because it would give him more leg room. He never actually said this during the drive however but just kept asking if I was "okay" I would say "yes" and I would keep driving. I learned then that no matter how bad or fast I want to get somewhere... I may not be the only person in the car.

Thursday was a pretty hectic day. As much as I tried to sleep in, I couldn't. I got up early and started to do stuff. I can't remember all the errands we ran that day but we went and paid for all the food and the cake and got our marriage license that day. When we got our marriage license, we were fighting. We were both edgy from no sleep and it was super hot. We even argued over how he signed his "s" on his last name.

He was more than happy that night to have me and my mom go over to Lonna's baby shower... Lonna was my maid of honor and also almost 8 months pregnant! Her shower was fun and I got to see a few of my Az friends. My mom and I were exhausted and had to run back to our house to meet up with my sister in law (and photographer) Kate to get some of her equipment so we could take it over to the Secret Garden the next day during our set up time. While Kate was there Dan's oldest brother Dave and his wife Caroline rolled in from their long drive from Texas! This was my first time meeting both of them even thou I had known Dan for nearly a year. It was so fun because I had been told a few times by that point that I reminded the Calkins of Caroline. We left then and went to Outback to get some food and chat some more! It was great talking to them both and I immediately felt a little bit calmer about the how wedding and adjusting to the in laws fiasco that was going on in my head.

The Day Before Our Wedding:

That night was another hard one for me. I went to bed very late and got up very early. When I woke up that morning I started trying to do way too much. I got huge blisters on my fingers from struggling with trying to cut the center piece flowers and would not calm down! I was stressed about everything even though nothing bad had happened. My mom and I were trying to get everything ready to take over to the Secret Garden to set up and I was hardly helping. That morning, however Kate was sweet enough to take me to get a very needed pedicure! We got back to the house just in time to start driving things over to the Secret Garden. My mom was a miracle worker and finished sewing the table toppers and putting together center pieces and making sure all the skirts were hemmed for the bridesmaids.

Set up went great, Kirsten was a huge help, she knows how to do her job very well! She was telling every what to do and how to do it and at the same time was a doll. She really made it so we could get stuff done pronto and it looked great! That afternoon was our rehearsal as well as our bridal/couple photos. I was so stressed it was ridiculous. After setting up the reception hall I was supposed to go out and pick up our flowers for that night but I ran out of gas just as I was going to turn into a gas station in the left lane. I frantically called Dan who was a few miles away with his brother and they came and rescued me despite my frantic phone calls and not so positive attitude.

I finally made it to pick up the flowers and back to the Secret Garden to get ready. That was a fiasco in itself! Everything was going fine until of all stupid things to happen my favorite hair spray would not pump. I got super upset and only Kirsten knows what I said and how crazy I was acting over it! No other hairspray would do because mine was special... lol I am sure other hair spray would be fine but I was not ready to try a new one right before my pictures when I had tried to find one that would not make my curls frizzy and heavy in the heat. ANYWAY I stormed out and went to the three closest stores, none of which carried Aussie Spray Gel. I called my sister in law crying as well as Dan. I think everyone thought I was one step away from the looney bin. I got back up to my bridal suite and tried my hair spray again and it worked. Kirsten had gotten it to work while I was gone. I was embarrassed and quickly got back to work on getting ready.

All this time I was trying to focus on all the little things but had almost forgotten what was important about the commitment I was making the very next day. In the middle of me getting ready Dan and I were to meet with Murray Snow who was in the Stake Presidency of my home stake when I was in high school. I have always loved him and was so excited when he agreed to perform our marriage. In talking with him he reminded me to not stress the little things because in the end they don't matter. He also told us that he has seen lots of people get married and as a judge has seen a lot of people get divorced. He said that he believes that a couple can be completely in love but if they lack commitment then it cannot last. He said commitment doesn't always follow love my love always follows commitment.

He said he would have married us the next day if only we would have said that we were truly committed to each other and even if we couldn't say that we loved each other.. We do love each other and then he made us say why we loved each other and talked to us about what we were truly doing and made us promise him that we would be sealed in the temple and that this was just a stepping stone of commitments we are to make. That talk truly changed my outlook on our "wedding" I just kinda let go of the crazy little details (not to say I wasn't stressed) but I smiled a lot more and chilled out some after he talked to us.

Everyone then went out to have the rehearsal and I stayed up in my room to finish getting ready. Getting all the way ready for the first time took a lot longer than I had thought but I am glad we had done it once the day before our wedding so I knew. Tons of people from the rehearsal were wondering where I was so I was being bombarded with visitors between apply mascara and spray my curls. It was fun to see everyone and I hope I never have to do anything in this life where it takes me that long to get ready ever again! hahaha

I remember the first moment I saw Dan all dressed up in his suit and wearing his gerbera daisy on his collar I wanted to cry but all I could do was smile. My mom was crying however. Kate took a few pictures of us as we just stood their together and talked and kissed. Kate was so great to us and helpful as well as taking really great photos of our entire wedding. I had been kinda edgy about sitting on the grass in my dress but when all was said and done I actually relaxed during our session and I think pretty much did as I was told. I swirled around, drank tons of water and played with my parasol and was so excited. I felt like a princess... Kate did such an AMAZING job! We had so much fun taking pictures and even though it was hot it was not as bad as it would have been because their was a fire burning on South Mountain west of where we were and it gave this weird smoke cover. Their were even ashes falling during our photos.

Cooling down after the pictures was nice. We went back to my house and I just left everything behind at the Secret Garden. That night we even had Dan's siblings over to go swimming in my mom's pool and it was a great way to spend our last single night.

Our Wedding Day:

The next day we got up super early. Thankfully Dan had stayed somewhere else that night so he was able to sleep in. My mom and I went to run a few final errands in order to get stuff ready for drinks at the wedding and all that jazz. We got back home and my mom was making some final adjustments on the bridesmaid skirts before we went to our wedding luncheon at the Olive Garden.

Some sister missionaries showed up at my mom's front door and started talking to me about the church. I didn't interject anything about already being a member I just let the new one talk. Finally they asked me if I had ever heard of missionaries before. Thats when I told them that I was a member, I attend BYU and I was needing to leave for my wedding luncheon right then. They all giggled and asked if they could help. I just thought it was a fun odd thing to happen right then.

The luncheon was nice and fun and it was a good meal before our wedding. After that I went and picked up the flowers and went back out to the Secret Garden for the big show. Getting ready the same way a second time was a lot easier. I knew where to start and what to do first and what not to do, plus I didn't have very many distractions.

We were finally ready for the actually ceremony. I remember trying to watch as everyone walked out and took their place. It was hard to see what was going on from my window. Finally it was my turn. It felt like it was taking them FOREVER to get moving. My dad looked at my window and told me to come out. I was so nervous and excited! I had to walk down a huge staircase and remember thinking how am I going to do this without falling. When we got to the grass everyone was starring and I whispered to my dad how weird it was! I just remember laughing with him as we walked down. When we got down to the end I remember we almost didn't do the "Who gives this women away" because I always thought the answer was "I do" and the "I do" would be from my dad. I love my mom so much and I wanted her to be a part of it because she has had to deal with some of the hardest parts of raising me. Anyway President Snow had spoken to both of my parents and my dad said "Her mother and I do" It was really nice and I am glad we did it that way.

I don't think I could have smiled any bigger through out our entire ceremony. President Snow did an amazing job. He talked about the commitment we were making and he even quoted Fiddler on the Roof after he spoke about love always follows commitment (he quoted this entire song and it was great!):

(Tevye)
"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel."

(Golde)
"What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"

(Tevye)
"He's a good man, Golde.
I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him.
So what can we do?
It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I what?

(Tevye)
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know

We then said our vows and exchanged rings and I just couldn't believe it was actually happening. I remember once looking at everyone out in the chairs and they were all fanning themselves with the paper fans we had put out and I was so happy I had decided to buy paper fans. They had been one of my should I do this or is it stupid things. hahaha.

Standing their with my husband was so unreal. I could help but want to just run over and hug him and hold him. He was so handsome and I loved him so much right then I felt like I was going to burst. It was the happiest moment of my life. I can't wait to have more moments like that with the most amazing man I have ever known.

It was such a beautiful wedding day. So many people where there to help! After the ceremony Dan's Grandma came up to me and told me I reminded her of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind coming down the staircase... I just laughed.. Our reception was great. We had a cute little cake that we cut near the beginning and I was happy that it all got eaten. We had plenty of water and lemonade and plenty of people their to enjoy our day with us. My little brother Brett's band did a great job, they even sang while we did our first dance to the song Green Eyes by Coldplay. My dad sang a few songs and I was shocked when I saw people get out on the dance floor and dance. It was so much fun. Dans siblings even got in on the music action and played a few songs.

It was so much fun and I just remember being so excited and happy and tired! At the end of the evening I went back up and packed up my stuff. My mom told me I didn't need to but I wanted to help. So I packed up a lot of things and took them downstairs to my little car... which Dan's siblings had so colorfully decorated. We stayed at the Legacy Golf Course that night which was a block away from our reception. I felt weird leaving everyone else their to clean up the mess but my mom kept telling me to stop helping and to just leave. hahaha

My Birthday:

The next day was my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my mother in law wishing me a happy birthday. I then talked Dan into getting up at 7:30 to meet his family for breakfast. We went to their hotel then drove over to US Egg near Mill Ave. It was fun to sit around with almost all of the Calkins side and hang out. After that Dan and I went back to my mom's house and unloaded my car. We then opened wedding presents as well as my birthday present. My mom got me a wedding/birthday present which she so cutely wrapped (half the box was wrapped in wedding paper and the other half in birthday paper). Dan was to open the wedding part and I the birthday. When I opened it I saw that she bought me Viking sewing machine. I was very surprised and super excited. It meant even more to me when she told me that she had received a viking sewing machine for her wedding and since I was born she has known that this is what she wanted to give me for my wedding! I love my momma! We went over to my Dads after that and did birthday and wedding cards and then it was off to Cibola Vista Resort in Peoria.

Honeymoon:

We spent most of our honeymoon by the pool or at the movies!

Music Within

I have had the opportunity for the past 2 and a half years to work with students with disabilities at BYU. Not only students I guess; but employers, bosses, friends and family in my life.

Working closely with my boss has taught me a great deal about not only the physical limitations of individuals with disabilities but the social limitations. Through taking her course this last winter and working with her on projects where she has presented on her class I have learned even more about the unemployment rate that exists amongst those with disabilities. Where the unemployment rate for the average American can be anywhere between 2 and 10 percent, those with disabilities can have an unemployment rate of up to almost 80 percent. Not to mention the unemployment rate, individuals with disabilities can get paid a lot less than even their less qualified or less educated coworkers.

I had not realized how disrespectful people be can be towards those that have disabilities until this year. People stare uncomfortably, refuse to talk straight to the person, whisper, park in disabled parking even though they are not and I feel that they may not realize what they are doing but it does happen and it does hurt those they are slighting.

I saw a preview for the movie "Music Within" tonight while at my in laws and couldn't help but go rent it on my way home. Its a true story about Richard Pimentel. He is a war veteran who while in the war became deaf. He struggles to get a job and go to school but people slight him for being deaf and tell him that he can't surmount to anything. He becomes friends with a man named Art who has Cerebral Palsy. During the course of the movie you fall in love with these two characters. Richard fights for other vets and individuals with disabilities to help them find jobs and careers. He currently is one of the most well read and heard of individuals working with the Americans with Disabilities Act.

I highly recommend this movie as well as the movie "39 pounds of love" about a man named Ami who has spinal muscular atrophy and goes on a journey to find the doctor that told him he would not live past the age of 6.