I stumbled across an article in attempts to find some peace about the emotions I have been having about my c-section. This article did bring some comfort to me in knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings.
"Having never experienced labor, I sometimes feel like a little girl eavesdropping on the grown-ups’ tales of childbirth." This is exactly how I feel. Listening to my friends exchange labor stories is sometimes hard, I still want to hear them but I feel like I didn't give birth, I don't hold the badge of "x" amount of hours in labor. I don't feel like I have a story to tell which may explain why its taken me so long to write down Ava's birth story.
"If I’ve learned anything in ten years of motherhood, it’s that the way our children are brought into the world means very little for how they live in the world. Nor do the intense hours in which we become mothers shape the months, years and decades of our actually being mothers." I pray that someday I will be able to find peace of mind about my c-section and also about not being able to breastfeed. "Let birth remind us that, with children, so little goes according to even the most well-drawn plan."
But when Ava smiles at me I feel nothing but love and none of this matters in the end :)
6 comments:
I hope you never feel like you are less of a mother because you had a c-section and cannot breastfeed. And if anyone ever says you are, they are ignorant and stupid!! How wonderful that modern medicine allows mothers to deliver babies in ways that allow safe deliveries for both the baby and the mother.
You carried Ava for nine months, and you will nurture her for the rest of her life! You can't get more motherly than that :)
Love ya Brittany!!
Jeanine that made my morning :) I love you and can't wait for you to have Jude!
Every baby is unique and no one's birth story is ever the same! She is a special and loved little girl. Don't feel guilty for what you can't control. It doesn't matter anyways! A mom's job is to nurture and care for her baby and you did and are doing exactly that. :) You are a great mother!!!
Hey Britt - Your thoughts were interesting to me as I have had some of the same ones. Truthfully, if it weren't for C-sections, I don't think Tal or I would have made it. So, like you I may not ever tell stories of my many hours of labor or pushing, (but healing from a c-section is no small feat) and in the end me and my baby are here and healthy and I couldn't be happier. Little Ava is absolutely beautiful and so blessed to have so much love.
Emilee, I'm so glad you and Tal are both here safe and sound, that is one of the biggest blessings of c-sections, the fact that a baby can be born so quickly so that both mom and baby are safe. My mom had an emergency c-section with my oldest sister and I am so thankful she was able to make it through her birth.
The woman who wrote the essay I read wrote about the fact that her and her son probably wouldn't have made it with out the c-section, some of her sadness came from the fact that she always felt like she needed to justify why she had a c-section and why she was having repeat c-sections.
It was a blessing for me to be able to have a c-section with all of my health issues I have had. That's why I feel so bad about having these feelings about Ava's birth.
Every time I think I am over my emotions, things get brought back up. I'm not ashamed but I keep getting asked why I needed to have a c-section. I get sad when people respond with "doctors are too quick to do c-sections now a days" what exactly do I say to that?
Anyway I have to remind myself not to let others comments get to me. I am thankful I was able to have a c-section and that I had such an amazing doctors that we worked with. I need to stay positive and remember that every child and every birth is different, that was Ava's birth and its special because that's how my sweet baby was born.
Sorry, this was like another blog post in itself.
Brittany, You are an amazing mom. I totally agree with what others commented on. Ava is so lucky to have you as a mom. I love you!
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