I have kept a journal since the beginning of my Freshman year here at BYU. I have not looked at those old journals in a long long time. Yesterday I took an hour or so to look through them. Sometimes I think about burning them and other times I look back and see how much I have grown.
I realized last night that all the heart felt pain I experienced was only for my good. I thought back to some crummy times living here and had honestly forgotten some of them. As I read it was like little doors to my memories opening up and thinking, "Oh ya, that happened?! Why did I do that!?"
I often talked about feeling alone and being sad that I was alone. I was confused by those around me and looking back I see what I learned. In those moments I thought life would not go on. I thought I was done for. Here I am, life has moved on. I married the best person I know and look back in my journals about other guys I liked or dated and thought, how different (and sometimes HORRIBLE) my life would be now if I had married them.
I think to myself well if this didn't happen then this wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be where I am today. I have changed and grown up so much in the last 5 years. So today I am saying I am thankful for the life I have lived and hope the things I am going through now will in the future be stepping stones for greater things in my life. It is hard to see that in the moment though.
8 comments:
Amen sista...glad to see that the decisions you've made in your life have brought you to the BYU 25th ward =). We couldn't be happier!
I know that is a huge thing for us... my mother in law didn't love our apartment and now she looks back and agrees that we were supposed to be in this ward!!
It can be really hard to see in the moment, but that's one of the strange beauties of life that I believe could only exist because of a divine hand being involved in our lives :-) Not to say that God wants us to suffer, but that God knows what will make us everything that we can become. And you definitely are and are still becoming an amazing person ♥
dont you love that? i had an old best friend be horribly rude to me for a year, and as awful as that was, the series of events that happened because of it led me to meeting josh. everything happens for a reason :]
In the short time I have known you I have seen tremendous positive change in you. You are amazing and I love you!
hey you- I have done the same thing, semi-recently, and I also considered burning some of my old journals or just throwing them away- but now I can see how much I have really grown and it makes me so thankful for the life I am living today. I love you!
haha omg how funny!! Isn't funny how things can turn out?? :) oh and p.s. you always have the cutest blog!!
I always love reading my old journals...always makes me laugh! and think "MAN I WAS STUPID!" :)
Do you remember a LONG time ago when we read my OLD ones about all the animals...etc???? Probably not! But theyre soo funny!
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