Protecting Marriage?

Marriage in the United States has become so sad in and of itself. The statistics show that more and more people are getting divorced and of those who are still married, many are unhappy in their marriages. I have seen people here at BYU marry people they don't love, knowingly marry untrustworthy and dishonest partners, as well as marry simply because they want to fulfill their animalistic need for sexual intimacy. I won't even go into how I feel about the youth of the church haphazardly entering into sacred temple marriages, because honestly thats a whole nother volume in my encyclopedia of thoughts.

At church on Sunday the Neiswenders in our ward (who are also our neighbors) gave very good talks about friendship and fellowshipping. I really enjoyed hearing Haley reiterating what Bruce C. Hafen of the seventy said in 2002 in his talk entitled The Gospel and Romantic Love when he said that we should "be friends first and sweethearts second. University professor Lowell Bennion once said that relationships between young men and young women should be built like a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship. And the ascending layers are built of things like time, understanding, respect, and restraint. Right at the top of the pyramid is a glittering little mystery called romance. Now, you don’t have to be very smart to know that a pyramid won’t stand up very long if you stand it on its point instead of its base. In other words, be friends first and sweethearts later, not the other way around. Otherwise, people who think they are sweethearts may discover they can’t be very good friends, and by then it may be too late."

If we want to protect marriage we need to start in our own homes looking inwardly rather than outwardly. I feel that more people would live more fulfilling and happy lives if we spent more time evaluating how we are doing in our lives, how we are treating our partner and how our marriages are doing as a whole. Thats how I want to protect my marriage, by staying best friends with my husband and not letting the world defile our love and devotion to each other. Does anyone need to vote on that? No.

Right now a hot topic in regards to marriage is California's Proposition 8. I am not one to get into great debates with people. I don't voice my political opinions much. This being said I have been very saddened by the recent publicity amongst the youth at BYU and in the church over Proposition 8. It saddens me to see families put at arms because certain members support Proposition 8 and others do not. I believe we all have a choice in this battle. I feel that those of us who do not live or vote in California have even less of a say on what is happening with Proposition 8.

I have felt somewhat awkward since hearing the churches stance on Proposition 8, I simply believed that they would not make a political stance on this issue. I understand the churches stance and I feel for the issue both ways, although I feel that we should not sit on the fence because its easy. I have heard a lot of things that seem less than true about why the church supports Proposition 8 so I did some research and now feel more confident in understanding why the Church supports it and knowing that some of the rumors I had heard were wrong. As citizens we have every right to make ourselves as knowledgeable about the issues as possible.

The church made its stance at the end of June. "The Church’s teachings and position on this moral issue are unequivocal. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage."

However it was nice to read that "Latter-day Saints are free to disagree with their church on the issue (Prop 8) without facing any sanction", said L. Whitney Clayton of the LDS Quorum of the Seventy. "We love them and bear them no ill will."

Literature written by Proposition 8 proponents are freely distributed in Mormon wards, giving the impression the church approves of these pamplets, but much of it is "misinformation," said Morris Thurston, an LDS attorney in Orange County. Thurston has circulated a point-by-point response to an anonymously authored document that has been widely disseminated by Mormons, "Six Consequences . . . If Proposition 8 Fails." Thurston argues that most of its arguments are either untrue or misleading. "The general church authorities I have spoken to have been understanding and compassionate," he said. "They counsel respect, civility and open mindedness toward those who disagree with the church's position."

Mormons for Marriage

Stuart Matis

Stuart Matis 2

Sunday at the Calkins

Hiking the Y

I hiked the Y today with two of my fantastic friends, Cynthia and Mary! I couldn't believe they talked be into going... They had never gone and I had gone once a year a half ago. I had so much more fun this time with these girls, I wanted to give up so often but they were so encouraging and we all made it up alive! We had an amazing view and could even see the full foot ball stadium!

Golfin Calkins

Did you know Dan can Golf?!? Neither did I! He even has a golf glove... uh!I was far more concerned with taking pictures than golfing!

My new favorite Breakfast!!! So yummy that I am actually eating Breakfast

I need a Break before I Break

This is not my week!

When all the little things in life seem to go wrong... what are we to do? I feel like throwing big massive angry fits of rage instead of dealing with them like an adult this week.

Neumont University

For those of you that don't know, Dan attends a school called Neumont University. It is home to lost of computer nerds who have recently graduated high school early because they are so stinking smart. They only study Computer Science at Neumont and it is an accelerated program that allows the students to graduate with their Bachelors in approximately 2 years of year round schooling. Dan is 3 days into his 6th semester their and only has 2 more left! We look forward to him graduating this June!!!

Dan sent me this link to his University Forum and showed me an idea that he had posted!

"So if you drive around town sometime you will see a number of different license plates for the state of Utah. Some of the Neumont students wouldn't care, but I think that Neumont should get their own license plate. There are many different collegiate license plates but it would be sweet if we could get a Neumont plate."I like the Utah plate... too bad I don't want to stay in Utah (hahaha) because it would be fun to have a Neumont plate! Hopefully Dan doesn't mind me showing him off on my blog.

Relationship Violence can happen even at BYU

This semester in my Womens Health Issues class our group is researching Domestic Violence at BYU. In speaking with different people just in our class it was evident that this is a re-occurring problem at our campus even though it is not often talked about. Wymount Terrace on its own gets the BYU police called most often for domestic violence. The masters student that assists our class was telling us that in the two and a half years her husband and her have lived their they have had to call the police over 2 dozen times on different neighbors. 2 times alone last week for one couple.

Many times the police show up and offer the women a safe place to go and they offer the man the chance to go with them to the police station. After so many times the man no longer gets the choice to go, they get escorted in hand cuffs to the station.

At BYU Domestic Violence is not restricted to those whose who have made sacred vows to one another. Many girls have abusive boyfriends (or just men in their lives), that may be it physically or emotionally abusive to them and some may not even realize that it is happening to them. Having lived through this myself in both aspects of physical and emotional violence from a previous boyfriend I understand the need for advocacy in this area especially amongst the girls here at BYU.

Domestic Violence:

Abuse is a means to gain power and control. A behavior is abusive if it is hurtful, occurs in a pattern, and does not stop. Domestic violence is the single most common source of injury to women. Physical violence is estimated to occur in 4 to 6 million intimate relationships each year in the United States.

“How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse. Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. Though he may have been ordained, the heavens will withdraw, the Spirit of the Lord will be grieved, and it will be amen to the authority of the priesthood of that man.” President Gordon B. Hinckley

For more information visit BYU's Women Services.

Other Resources:
Where Home isn't a Haven by Kent Harrison
Coping with the aftermath of Abuse by Jane Lawson
Healing from abuse through the power of the Atonement by Daniel Judd
Not to People Like Us by Susan Weitzman
To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse by Richard G. Scott
Church Program Helps Victims of Domestic Violence
Utah Dating Violence Task Force

Who to call for help:
Women's Services and Resources 422-4887
BYU Police 422-2222
Center for Women & Children in Crisis/Rape Crisis Center 377-5500
National 24-hour Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE

Love One Another

I was really touched by a talk I heard back in September but now I can't find it anywhere online, so I am recounting my notes and thoughts. I just wish I could read it again. However in googling it I found a women who blogged about it so well and described some of the same emotions that I felt that it was the best I could come to actually finding the publication of the talk.

Courtney wrote what follows:

Elder Jensen spoke of the many "different" people in the church. He explained how there is a certain culture surrounding the gospel (naturally), and how many people do not fit in to this particular mold. The classic (but true, all the same) examples of being divorced, single, widowed make people feel as though they don't belong, but also those who struggle with depression or eating disorders or those who have loved ones who are going through difficult times. Those who are minorities or those who have physical disabilities. As he listed all these people, I started to wonder how anyone feels like they belong in this culture. And that was one of his biggest points. He said, "everyone is a lost sheep. everyone has their failings, and everyone has their differences."

More often than not, I do not feel like I belong at church. I am not naturally out-going, and I rarely feel like I have people to talk to at church. Particularly now that we are in a new ward, I wonder if we will ever find our place. But I loved how Elder Jensen spoke about how it was our duty to include everyone. I've come to realize over the past couple years that there are very few people who don't need new friends. It's still hard for me to reach out to anyone, but realizing that has helped me a little bit.

Elder Jensen opened his talk by speaking about his younger brother, who had brain damage due to birth complications. The brother was often the brunt of much ridicule as a boy, and I felt so much shock at how people feel free to mock those with obvious disabilities. Then I read this post at By Common Consent today and thought the same thing. It scares me to have kids. I don't want them to be made fun of, but I'm also terrified that they will make fun of other kids.

One of the most important things I want-- need-- to teach my children is true compassion and understanding of others' feelings. Hopefully by making this a priority they won't make fun of other kids and when they are adults, they will reach out to those in need (well, I hope they do both things regardless of being a child or an adult).

I'm not sure where the church culture comes from that makes others feel alienated. I feel like I know more people who don't fit the perfect mold than those who do, but perhaps that's because I gravitate towards normal, real people. :)

I was very happy to find this blog post because it very much reflected how I feel. I work closely with people with disabilities as well have close family members who are disabled. I think of my cousin Chainey, who had Spina Bifida, when he was born. To think that anyone could ever tease him because he walks with a walker or sometimes uses a wheel chair kills me. I want to protect him but I know he is a strong boy. I also, like Courtney, want to teach my children (when I have children) to be accepting and love others.

I have felt very awkward before in wards and currently do. Its getting a little better but I still feel like the "special guest" that sticks out in the group like a sore thumb. For the first 3 months of being in our ward, we would only attend sacrament meeting. 3 weeks ago we started to attend all of our meetings and my first Sunday in Relief Society they introduced me as the "special guest" even though I had been in the ward for 3 months and they had already introduced all the new people and did the announcements and sang the opening song. I am sure they meant well but I just felt out of place.

I know most of them know that my husband and I were not married in the temple and most probably (more than I would like) know about our previous activity in the church, to me I feel out of place and awkward somewhat because of this. I am trying to be more outgoing in our ward, I even agreed to meet at 8:20 tonight to do my visiting teaching (my partner is the relief society president) and I signed up to do the October Craft on the 29th.

I know the church is true... the people don't always have me in fits of joy to go to activities but I know the simple fact that since Dan and I have centered our life on a common goal of working towards being better people we have been blessed in all aspects of our lifes. Heavenly Father blesses us and I can feel his love. I have always been very hard on myself and find that I feel guilty about most things I do and feel like their is no way Heavenly Father could love me.

This is the first time in my life that I feel like I have made the right decisions in working with our bishop and working towards our goal to be sealed together forever and that what we chose to do was right for us and we will be blessed. As often as I have seen people rush into marriage or dishonestly go through the temple I am glad we have waited and the joy of our sealing and our marriage has been so better because of this.

Wedding Photos!

Album 1
Album 2

I couldn't have asked for more perfect beautiful pictures to remember our FABULOUS day. I have a shrine of them at work and I adore staring at my Daniels face as much as possible! haha I am a true dork. I posted these because I realized I had deleted my album post... Its more for my sake than anyone else... This blog is like a journal for me... I'm even more of a dork.

Life's blessings!

Dan came home this past week with a bouquet of daisies and was so cute in having worked on this slide show of 101 reasons why he loves me. It was so cute and made me bawl. He is adorable. It was also cute idea of him to do since we had been married 101 days... Cheesy, maybe but I absolutely adore him for the things he does for me!My good friend Kate Brady had her baby shower yesterday it was so much fun! Her baby boy, Archie Bernard Brady, is due November 4th!

Michelle, Me, Kate (and Archie), Jeanine & Sarah

These girls were my roommates when I was 19! We had so much fun and I love each and every time I get to hang out with them. I was there for 6 hours and it went by so fast! Archie will be the first baby born to our little group! We are all so excited!

Today we had a great morning meeting with our bishop. He is such a blessing in our lives and so sweet to us both. We are so excited for events to come and we're thrilled to hear that what we are working towards is coming sooner than we ever thought! We are looking forward to the end of the year even more and are just so excited for all the great things to come! In 3 months we will both have finished another semester and be 6 months away from graduation! We will also get to go home to Arizona for Christmas!

News Flash

I am overweight. I have struggled with my weight almost my entire life. I remember feeling fat in kindergarten, your average say 6 year old doesn't not (should not) come up with this idea on their own and I don't remember classmates telling me that I was fat so I pretty much know the source... Anyway I look back and I was a normal 6 year old, just tall. Whatever, I am far older than 6 and the self esteem body issue damage has been done and all I can do is work through how I feel.

Time goes by. I get to be a freshman in high school, I am doing okay, I am still overweight but in the grand scheme of things I was relatively normal for an adult. Then my parents go through their divorce. I get really angry and depressed and food became a comfort. I gained a lot of weight in high school and I wish I could go back to those days and reorganize my behavior and unhealthy eating habits. But regrets die hard and we move on, right?

I get to college. Now I am significantly overweight. I go through my freshman year and finish and realize I hate being overweight. I start doing weight watchers and lose a lot of weight, yet I become obsessive about it and it didn't end up being the healthiest thing for me at that time in my life. I was convinced my life would be so much better if I was thin. I was wrong. It did make me susceptible to the male audience that I had never received attention from and little did I know at the time most guys that I met in Provo did not want to get to know me for my mind.

So heart break, heart break, abusive relationships, heart break, etc occur.

Then I get sick... I get so awesomely sick that I can't get out of bed or go to school for that semester. I get so sick that I can't run which was my life line to staying thin at that time. I pick myself up have some more abuse and heart break and then I meet Dan. Dan accepted me for the "man hating basket case" that I was at the time. He saw me and wanted to know me. I am so thankful for him. He sees me through my Pseudotumor Cerebri and then is my husband when I find out about my insulin resistance.

Now I am at the state where I have had 3 significant health issues in the past year and a half and have gained back most of the weight I lost originally. I need to lose weight in order to be a healthy person but now I realize I don't need to lose weight to be accepted. I think about my future and my children and I now want to change for completely different reasons.
I am a public health major. I have a great worth of knowledge about what it takes for people to live long lives and be healthy. I know I am one of the only overweight people in my classes but still I come everyday and talk about lowering peoples risk for diabetes and childhood obesity levels. I think to myself... "will I ever be a marketable candidate for a position if I cannot portray myself as living what I preach?"

Well by the demands of my doctor and her threats on my future I am back on healthy regime. I don't mind it, I actually quite prefer it, however sometimes I fear my obsessive competitive attitude will manifest in an unhealthy way. Dan has me in check however.

I miss running. I used to run, a lot. I used to run all over Provo and I miss that dearly. I am not working into getting into the perfect pair of jeans, I am not looking to set off on the runways of New York or Paris or even Provo.... I am looking to run again, because when I ran I felt so free.
This may be of interest to absolutely no one, but these are the things I don't tell people. These are the things I hide away from peers and friends. Well guess what, I'm not hiding anymore.